This transition is a normal part of life, but it isn’t always easy. One of the best ways to handle these changes is by practicing healthy boundaries. 

The “Personal Bubble” Concept 

To understand boundaries, imagine that everyone has a personal “bubble” around them. Inside your bubble are your own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and actions. Every time you interact with someone, your bubbles come together. 

• Too Much Space: If the bubbles are too far apart, the relationship can feel cold or lonely. You might feel like you don’t really know what is going on in each other’s lives. 

• Overlapping Bubbles: If the bubbles overlap, one person usually ends up trying to “fix” or “rescue” the other. This can make the adult child feel smothered and the parent feel exhausted from solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve. 

• The Healthy Balance: The goal is to be close without overlapping. This means being supportive and warm while remembering that each person is responsible for their own “bubble.” 

Three Steps to a Better Relationship 

When you keep your bubbles close but separate, you create a stronger bond. You can: 

1. Acceptance: Acknowledge that your adult child is responsible for their own thoughts and choices. 

2. Set Limits: Give yourself permission to say “no” or step back to protect your own peace of mind. 

3. Collaborate: Have honest, respectful conversations where you work together as equals. 

Think of a boundary as a respectful bridge rather than a wall. It provides the space needed for a meaningful connection as your relationship moves into this new stage of life. Setting and maintaining health boundaries won’t eliminate every twist and turn of the emotional rollercoaster, but it can help smooth the ride. 

Understanding why life transitions feel so difficult can help us to better understand and accept our experience. When we go through transitions, we are dealing with complex emotions while figuring out how to adjust to a new normal. Transitions naturally involve grief. Even happy changes require mourning what we’re leaving behind. We also tend to desire and seek out predictability. And adjusting to a new normal takes time and effort. That promotion means saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. That new relationship means a new normal with another person. That move to a new city means losing connection with old friends.

So, what can we do to work through the big transitions that we’re likely to encounter in life?

Try behavioral activation. In times of transition, we can be prone to freezing up. But behavioral activation means taking meaningful actions aligned with your values. You can ask yourself some questions. What matters most to me in this next phase of life? What’s one tiny step I can take today toward who I want to be? Put it in your calendar. Follow through. And celebrate once you do! It does not need to be perfect. The goal is just to continue taking small steps forward.

Possibly the most challenging aspect of transitions is the uncertainty that comes with them. We want to know how things will turn out. But often growth means we have to step outside our comfort zone and sit with not knowing. Present Awareness is a tool that can help us tolerate this discomfort. Present Awareness involves addressing your worries and concerns as what they are – thoughts. And to let them come and go without judging them.

Transitions are temporary. But the resilience you gain by working through them goes a long way. That confusing space we can find ourselves stuck in during big transitions? You do not need to escape it. You can use tools to help you push forward into your next phase of life.

Maria’s not alone. Her fear is shared by many. But there is good news. Our brains have remarkable adaptability. Research shows we can maintain and even enhance our brain health throughout life. This becomes increasingly important as we age. And Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers practical tools that can help support our brain health.

It is important to know the difference between brain and mind. You can think of your brain as biological hardware. The physical organ with billions of connected neural pathways. And you can think of your mind as the software. Software that runs your thoughts, emotions, and cognitive processes. Caring for your brain often focuses on nutrition and physical activity. As well as quality sleep and medical care. Activating your mind might involve cognitive challenges and stress management. It may also focus on our connection to others.

Brain and mind health influence one another through neuroplasticity. This is our brain’s ability to form new neural pathways based on our experiences, thoughts, and activities. It was thought that the adult brain did not have this adaptability. But we now know that is not true. Neuroplasticity works well into adulthood. It simply needs more intentional activation.

Several CBT tools can help to improve our neuroplasticity and brain health. Behavioral activation encourages scheduling meaningful activities. This can keep our minds sharp and improve our moods. It also contributes to improved neuroplasticity in our brains. Mindfulness practices and helpful sleep habits can improve attention and focus. They have also shown to support brain regions tied to memory.

As we age, these tools can offer many benefits. Simple practices like mindfulness, scheduling pleasant activities, and keeping sleep routines provide clear ways to support your brain health. With continued intention, we can actively maintain our brain health throughout our lives.

And many of us can relate, in a way. We can land a good job. We can get that promotion. We can lead projects well for years. And still, we have a hard time feeling we deserve the success. What Maya Angelou described in that quote, and what so many professionals struggle with, is called imposter syndrome. This is when we doubt our skills, talents, or accomplishments. And we fear that we will be proven a fraud despite our success. 

As we celebrate Black History Month, it’s crucial to recognize how Black professionals often deal with imposter syndrome in the workplace. Historical barriers have increased these feelings of self-doubt. Yet throughout history Black leaders from Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm to inventor Garret Augustus Morgan Sr. have demonstrated remarkable resilience. They have proven that feelings of inadequacy do not diminish our true skills. And there are powerful tools that any of us can use to build resilience and overcome imposter syndrome.  

Let’s consider one of those tools: Thought Inspection. At the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the idea that our thoughts drive our emotions. So, the first step to change how we feel is to identify our unhelpful thoughts. You might catch yourself thinking, “I just got lucky”. Or thinking “They’ll eventually realize I’m a fraud.” When this happens, pause and challenge these thoughts with evidence. Did you really get that promotion purely by chance? Or did your late nights and creative solutions play a role? And is it possible that others continue to see your strengths and hard work? 

Some of the most powerful evidence can be our past successes. You can start a log to collect evidence to challenge these unhelpful thoughts. Log each time you get positive feedback or complete a goal. Then when those imposter-like thoughts come up, you have a tool. Review your log to counter self-doubt with past evidence of your successes and strengths.  

Remember that imposter syndrome, while common, does not have to be permanent. As we honor Black History Month, we can draw inspiration from those who pushed through barriers despite feeling out of place. Their legacy reminds us that feeling like an imposter does not make you one.

The good news is that there is a tool that can help in this challenging role: gratitude. Gratitude is the simple act of expressing thanks for what one has. And it is one of the most powerful positive emotions. Research has shown that only 10% of our happiness stems from our life circumstances. While about 40% stems from the choices we make and the way we think about things. This means that we can choose to practice gratitude and see a boost in our happiness and wellbeing. Practicing gratitude can be a powerful way to cope with exhaustion and build resilience. It can help caregivers find positivity and strength even in the hardest aspects of their work. So, if gratitude can have such a significant impact, how do we start practicing it in our daily lives?

Gratitude Practices

There are many ways to express our gratitude. Let us look at a few you can put into practice today.

• 3 Good Things and Their Causes. Write down three things each day that went well for you. Then try to find the cause of each one. You could even keep a “gratitude journal” to write in each day.
• Reflection. Use a guided audio or reflect on your own. This can be as simple as thinking through the past 24 hours and remembering something pleasant you saw. Or you can think of beautiful in nature. Something kind that someone did for you, or that you did for someone else. Imagine or write down the details and how it felt in the moment.
• A Letter of Gratitude. Write a letter or a note expressing your appreciation for someone who did something special for you. In this letter, address the person directly. Be specific about the event. And share how it affected you then and why it is still with you. (You do not actually have to send the letter, but you can. When you do this, you not only boost your gratitude, but you also build your relationship.)

The simple practice of gratitude is an incredibly powerful way to increase the happiness you feel and aid in preventing the burnout that many caregivers experience. If you want to dive deeper into gratitude, Learn to Live’s Resilience program is a great place to start.

Data shows that men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues. They are more likely to turn to unhealthy coping, such as substance abuse or aggressive behavior. Men are at a higher risk of suicide. They are four times as likely to commit suicide than women in the US. The message men receive about mental health needs to change so that more men seek mental health support.

Barriers to Seeking Help

Stigma plays a big role. Many men fear others will judge them or perceive them as weak if they admit to struggling. Some men confuse being a strong provider and protector with ignoring their own emotional needs. Also, some men are unaware of their own symptoms of mental health problems. These barriers play a role in creating that silent struggle.

Giving Voice to Men’s Mental Health

Addressing men’s mental health requires us to challenge existing norms. We have to take steps to provide awareness of and access to mental health resources. Here are some steps that can help:

1. Education & Awareness: Increase awareness about men’s mental health issues. Seek out education about the signs and symptoms of common mental health conditions, including gender differences. Encourage men to seek help early.
2. Open Conversations: Be a role model. What happens if a man doesn’t speak about his mental health? It tells other men that talking about mental health isn’t important. This makes the problem worse. One man can break the chain by being open to discussing his own mental health. He can encourage others to do the same.
3. Access to Care: Identify what mental health services are available. Also, look for resources such as support groups, mental health campaigns, and initiatives that encourage open dialogue about men’s mental health.

Mental health problems are not a sign of weakness. It is a crucial part of overall wellbeing. We should all seek help when we need it.

Widespread efforts to reduce stigma have helped us become less likely to judge other people. But, it’s clear that many of us still worry that others will look down on us if they think we’re struggling. This assumption about their judgement is called self-stigma. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment about our mental health that come with the self-stigma can keep us silently suffering.

World Mental Health Day is celebrated on October 10^th to help spread awareness, decrease stigma, and encourage individuals to take a step toward their mental health goals. One day is not enough though. We should prioritize our mental well-being every day. Please know that your mental health matters and consider the following steps to prioritize your own well-being.

Steps to Break the (Self) Stigma

Find Time for Self-Care. Take time to practice an act of self-care. This can happen even if you only have 2 minutes. It can increase your resilience and impact your mental health. Are you a busy working parent? Or, do you wish you were more motivated? Try to identify small pockets of time to focus on something that nurtures you. Then, schedule some activities. You could take a walk outside. You could complete a 2-minute guided relaxation exercise. Or, you could take a long soothing shower. Sometimes our actions actually change our thoughts. These daily choices can increase the belief that our well-being is important. We can start to see we can do something about it.

Inspect Your Thoughts. Our thoughts have a powerful influence on our emotions. Are you struggling with thoughts that are leading to shame and embarrassment about your well-being? Try examining those thoughts. A proven strategy we teach here at Learn to Live is Thought Inspection. This is a strategy where we examine the thinking patterns that lead to unhelpful emotions. New thoughts can lead to new emotions.

Build a Support Network. It’s ok if you’re not ready to seek professional help for your mental health concerns yet. Research shows that reducing loneliness with positive social communication with others helps develop a sense of stability and reduces anxiety. Consider taking the step to reach out to a trusted friend and share what you’re going through. Build or re-build connections with family members. Or, use small talk to engage with the neighbor you want to get to know better. How can you start to build and strengthen your support system? Everyone needs one.

Do you ever forget why you walked into a room? Do you have trouble paying attention when someone is talking to you? Do you struggle to start or finish simple tasks? Do you feel disorganized or easily lose focus? These could be signs of ADHD. Around 140 million adults have ADHD. That number is growing. There has been a 42% increase in people diagnosed with ADHD in the last 8 years. 

ADHD can bring up difficult thoughts and emotions. One being anxiety. Often, those of us with ADHD wish we could do things that others take for granted. We wish we could finish tasks on time, stay organized, or focus our attention. We might get behind and face deadlines with little time left. So, we start to feel anxious. We begin to believe we can never do anything right. Our anxiety worsens as we feel less confident. 

How CBT Can Help    

Research shows that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be one of the best ways to get help with ADHD. It helps us to change our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. This allows us to better handle tough situations and feelings that can come with ADHD. We can learn a number of CBT tools to help. We can learn how to relax our bodies. Tools like problem solving and time management are helpful in meeting our goals. And we can reframe or accept our thoughts to help calm our anxiety. Let’s explore a few specific tools that can help:   

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) – A tool where we tense and then relax our muscle groups to relax our body and mind. 
• Thought Inspection – A method where we challenge unhelpful thoughts causing us stress, shame, anxiety, etc. 
• Active Problem Solving – A good way to achieve goals that helps us focus on what’s most important to us.   
• Present Awareness – A practice to accept noisy thoughts and feelings, bring us back to the present, and allow us to respond better to our thoughts and emotions. 
• Time Management – An approach where we make a daily to-do list and schedule the most important tasks into specific time slots.  

If you or someone you know struggles with symptoms of ADHD, using some of these tools can help to get past those struggles. They can help to accomplish day to day tasks as well as manage the difficult emotions that can come up. 

One 2020 study found 68% of U.S. adults said the presidential election was a major source of stress in their lives. 77% noted the future of the nation itself as a top stressor, and 65% reported feeling very stressed about issues relating to the election. 

What is behind these emotions? Often the messages we see during elections lead to irrational thinking. These are the thoughts that CBT identifies as problematic and unhelpful. The role of campaign advertisers is to highlight voter fears and convince them that bad things will happen if the “wrong” candidate is picked. This can increase feelings of stress, anxiety, and panic. It also deepens the divide leading to an us vs. them mindset and has loneliness at all-time highs. 

The good news is that we can learn tips to adjust troubled thoughts and emotions. Using CBT tools, millions have gotten past stress, anxiety, depression, and worry. It has been able to help many people navigate life’s challenges. 

CBT is not a magic solution, but it does provide tools to avoid getting swept up in unhelpful thoughts. Part of CBT’s power comes from examining our thoughts and relying on facts over predictions. It helps us to understand others’ perspectives and choose actions that do not tend to deepen divides. 

Using Learn to Live for CBT Skills 

It is understandable and important that people care deeply about elections. When we learn CBT skills and put them into practice, we can build a resilient mindset. This helps us to navigate times of uncertainty. Here are some ideas to keep in mind: 

• ANTs: Automatic Negative Thinking Traps (ANTs) are assumptions that can trip us up. They cause us to ignore information or make snap judgments. When we become aware of our ANTs and begin counting them, our thoughts can become more reasonable. These are some important ANTs to keep an eye out for during election season: 

• Disaster-making – this is when I decide that something will be not just bad, but so bad that I cannot manage it! I picture myself overwhelmed by the terrible outcome. 
• Fortune-telling – this is when I decide that something is going to happen, even if I really do not know that it will. 
• Feeling Makes Fact – this is when I am saying this thought is true because I feel it so strongly. 
• Labeling – this is when I hand out broad, negative labels to myself or others. When one negative detail is true, I apply a broad label. 
• Mind-reading – this is when I assume that I know what people are thinking or why they acted in a specific way. I may picture them judging me or my efforts. I think I know why they did what they did. 

• Thought Inspection: Thought Inspection allows us to look at whether a thought is rational or not. This strategy walks you through the evidence supporting your harmful predictions and helps you to create a more realistic way of thinking about the situation. You might have a thought like: “If the other side wins, they are going to strip away all my rights because they are evil.” And Thought Inspection might help you to look at the facts and change that thought to: “While we have some conflicts in core values and priorities, most people on both sides are well-intentioned. People want what is best, we just disagree on the approaches. Writing off half the country as evil is unproductive.” 
• Worry Time: Worry Time is where you schedule 15-30 minutes to focus on your worries. You then choose to set them aside at all other times of the day. Worried thoughts about the election can start to rule our day. If you see that happening, try to limit worried thoughts by containing them to a specific time, like 6:30-6:45pm. 
• Assertiveness and Boundaries: Just because your friend or uncle wants to discuss the upcoming election, does not mean you have to engage. It is okay to set boundaries about what political topics you will discuss. Maybe change the subject when you dislike where the conversation is going. Remember an easy phrase like “Hey, I’d like to hear how your family is doing.” 
• Emotional Flooding: Be aware of the potential for emotional flooding in conversations. Debates with friends and family can quickly intensify emotions, at which point logic goes out the window. Practices like deep breathing, getting exercise, and resting can help you calm your emotions before these discussions. You can use that simple phrase to change the subject before debates become unproductive. You can even walk away for 15 minutes if needed. 

Another approach is being aware of media consumption. Consider limiting it to an hour or less each day. We want to be mindful not to over-consume negative political coverage. This can help limit the us vs. them mentality. It also helps to broaden our perspective. 

No matter how high the stakes may feel in this election, remember – we are resilient. We do not have to agree on every issue. We can be passionate about our beliefs without pushing away those who think differently. CBT equips us to avoid getting swept up in our worried thoughts and gives us tools to manage this election season. 

Why Mental Health Matters for Safety 

We usually think about physical dangers at work as things that might cause accidents. But how you feel mentally is also important for staying safe. Feeling stressed out at work can make you feel tired. It can make it hard to think clearly and control your feelings. These are all important things for staying safe at work. You will have more energy and follow the safety rules when your mental health is taken care of. 

Ways to Stay Safe by Taking Care of Your Mental Health 

There are things you can do to stay safe at work by taking care of your mental health: 

• Manage Stress: Learn how to deal with stress by getting exercise or talking to someone who can help. Lower stress can make you feel better and safer at work. 
• Build Resilience: Build up your emotional strength so you manage tricky situations at work without getting too stressed out. 
• Communicate and Work as a Team: Talk openly and work with others. When everyone feels supported and can talk about problems, it is easier for everyone to stay safe at work. 

How We Can Help 

We know that good mental health helps you stay safe at work. Our programs help you learn new skills using videos, practice exercises, and even a coach if you like. Some things we offer include: 

• Training to Manage Stress: This helps you feel more energy and focus at work, which can help you avoid accidents. 
• Programs for Anxiety and Feeling Sad: These can help you make better decisions and feel better overall. 
• Sleeping Better: Getting good sleep helps you stay awake and focused at work. 
• Mindfulness Practices: These help you focus better on your work. 

To learn more, visit our website.