Why the difference? Are women just more likely to acknowledge anxiety symptoms? Are differences in hormones the culprits, as some suggest? Most researchers appear to conclude that we just don’t know yet.  What we do know is that some of the differences appear as early as age 6.

A recent article by Huffington Post Women’s editor Emma Gray describes her attempt to understand the issue. She shared her personal struggles with fears about never having a lifelong relationship, not being attractive enough, and the overall sense that she must be perfect. She describes the pressure and anxiety she felt as a result. Gray then cited evidence that women wait far too long to ask for help for anxiety—often years. Sadly, she is right. And men fare no better, waiting even longer on average to ask for help—if at all. My hope is that our efforts to create a truly accessible solution for social anxiety at Learn To Live will result in more people, women and men alike, feeling comfortable enough to take that first step toward dealing with their social anxiety.

Source: Wikipedia Creative Commons

In my work treating anxiety and depression, I often see the costly, unintended consequences of attempts to make things better. People with panic problems are told to cut back on caffeine and activity—but that strategy ultimately contributes to greater fear. People with depression are directed to reflect on their despair and things they have no control over. This seems reasonable enough, but that solution often tends to sustain the depression. People suffering from social anxiety try to avoid controversy and eye contact in the hope of  just getting through whatever situation presents itself. But by avoiding the situation, they never get the chance to learn that the danger may be simply exaggerated. Over time efforts to avoid one problem, discomfort, ultimately serve to keep sufferers unhappy, isolated and stuck, believing they cannot deal with the adversity in and around them.

Successful change happens when we apply solutions that deliver ultimate success over problems like anxiety and depression, versus those that perpetuate old problems and create new ones. In face-to-face CBT and in the Learn To Live program, we stress the importance of working to face fears and take action. We get to unmask the old “solutions” that have actually sustained suffering and work toward relinquishing them. For some, it is exhilarating to realize that some of their misery is not inevitable but rather the result of bad strategy. There are solutions available that allow us to work through our fears rather than around them. Maybe you have too many lifeboats on deck. It might be time to rethink the strategy.

Consider Houston Rockets’ forward Royce White. He is an amazing basketball player whose anxiety and panic have stalled his career in his rookie year. In a recent USA Today interview, he shares his hope that his team will consider reasonable accommodations to make playing basketball with anxiety more bearable. He goes beyond that, spreading the message that broader society would do well to be aware of anxiety problems making himself a very public example.

I hope that Royce White can get the help he needs to overcome his anxiety problems. Then his next message can be one of hope for others. In meantime, his call for awareness and appreciation of the invisible problem of anxiety may be just what many need to hear—you aren’t alone.