Does this reaction sound familiar? If so, you likely know that the season’s focus on gatherings can intensify social anxiety. And sometimes the disconnect between others’ excitement and our own feelings of dread can leave us feeling isolated and ashamed.

Fortunately, there are practical tools, grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), that can help. You can take steps to overcome social anxiety and fully engage in your social calendar this summer.

Step 1: Identify specific situations. You may notice yourself dreading the “social calendar” of summer as a whole. Try breaking it down. Is it making small talk at your kid’s birthday party? Is it the idea of wearing summer clothing that fills you with dread? Or maybe you are nervous about events with a lot of new people. Whatever it is – being able to identify specific situations can help you take the next steps of addressing social anxiety.

Step 2: Explore your thoughts.  Many people are surprised by the fact that it is actually our thoughts about situations that lead to our anxiety. Not the situations themselves. Try to identify any thoughts you have in relation to the specific situation you identified. This might be “They will think I’m boring.” Or “I might stumble on my words and sound stupid.” You can explore these thoughts with a few simple questions like:

• Do I know for sure that this thought is true?
• Imagine my thought is not true. Could this turn out okay or even well? What would that look like?
• Even if my thought is true, will this moment feel like a big in 5 years?

Step 3: Practice Fear-facing. Sometimes we find that we remain afraid of situations even after identifying problems with our thoughts. That is where Fear-facing comes in. Fear-facing means purposely putting ourselves in the situations we fear. And this helps us learn at a deeper level that we don’t have to be afraid. You can start small. Maybe you make a friendly comment to a stranger at a park. Then over time, you can work up to more challenging situations, like sparking conversations at a small gathering or attending your annual neighborhood barbecue.

There are resources to help you reduce anxiety and build confidence so that enjoying your summer schedule feels more manageable. And you may even start to look forward to those invitations to connect with others.

Understanding Anxiety and Depression in Kids 

Anxiety and depression aren’t just things grown-ups deal with. They are among the most common mental health challenges kids, from ages 3 to 17, face. Anxiety and depression can show up in a number of ways. Kids might have trouble sleeping, stomach issues, headaches, feel worried a lot, have big mood swings, trouble with friends, or see a loss of interest in activities. These signs in excess can all point to your kid experiencing challenges. As a parent, it is important to be aware of and notice these signs so you can support your child. 

Steps to Help Your Child 

Here are six steps you can take to help support your child: 

1. Talk to a Doctor: Start by talking to a doctor about any physical or emotional problems your child is having. The doctor can help figure out if there is something else going on. 

2. Have a Chat: Talk to your child and find out if anything is bothering them. We do not always know what is happening at school or with friends. Taking the time to learn more can help. 

3. Consider Social Media Use: Think about how much time your child spends on social media. It is best to delay use of it altogether before the age of 16. If your child is using social media, no more than an hour a day is a good limit. 

4. Keep Healthy Habits: Pay attention to what your child does every day. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they eating well and being active? These things can help them feel better. 

5. Solve Problems Together: The previous steps can help identify problems. Once you know what the problem is, you can work with your child to solve it and take steps forward.  

6. Get Help if Needed: If things feel too hard or you are not sure what to do, it is okay to ask for help. Talking to a therapist or using online tools like Learn to Live can be helpful. 

Remember, you are not alone in getting through the maze. There are supports and resources you can use. By taking these steps, you can be the support your child needs to get past the struggles of anxiety and depression.  

One of the best ways to find out if what we believe is really true is to check it out, right? Is the pizza place they bragged about really that great? Is that online recipe as tasty as they claim? You might want to find out for yourself.

In our program for people with social anxiety, we help people who think this way: Everyone is looking at me. They don’t think I should be here. They are all talking about me. Or they all think I’m dumb or boring. The program helps people see if those anxious thoughts are true. (Hint: They usually are not!)

Here’s how we encourage them to use the Find Out for Myself process. They choose to look at others in the room they are entering. That means they don’t avoid eye contact like they did in the past. They walk in the restaurant they are passing through and then simply observe. Because some of the scary things we imagine can be directly checked-out.

None of us can really know if others think badly about us. But we often guess they do. People who worry a lot think things are risky unless they see clear proof it’s safe. If you always expect the worst, ask yourself if you really see strong proof that there is danger ahead. Do people who look at you really think bad things and not like you? If they’re not giving mean looks or rolling their eyes, we don’t really have good proof they’re judging us, right?

Just like a scientist

The idea of looking around and gathering facts as we look is based on a simple idea. All of us work like scientists. We start with certain beliefs then gather facts, and check if our beliefs are right as we review those facts. Lastly, we update what we believe based on what we learned as we go through life. But those of us who worry a lot about people find our wrong beliefs never seem to get fixed by new facts. The reason might be that our attention was focused on three things when we were around others:

1. The physical red flags that might have shown others that we were nervous, like blushing or shaking.
2. Thinking about all the bad things that might happen. Like picturing the other person judging me right now. We imagine it so clearly, it almost seems like we are watching a movie of it all happening in front of us.
3. We focus on ways to feel safe from their judgement no matter what. Like “hmmm, how exactly can I say this next thing, so they won’t think I am weird.” Or “How can I pretend I feel okay about myself?” We try to feel safe.

Think about it. If our focus has been only on physical red flags, our minds’ movie screen pictures of people judging us, scenes, and all the ways to feel safe from judgment at all costs, who has our attention NOT been on? It hasn’t been on the real people around us! So we have often failed to notice when others were warm and accepting, or distracted, or when they even seemed to like us. All because our attention was consumed by those three things.

There is great news. Many people struggling with worry about others have been relieved when they start looking around on purpose. They find that they don’t see hard facts that large groups of people are clearly rejecting them. Sure, there is the occasional unkind person out there, but who cares what they think anyway? And they often see smiles, which is nice, or others focused on their own lives, which is good too.

What about you? Are there some beliefs about the world or yourself that hold you back? Is it possible they are not really true? Maybe it’s time to go and find out for yourself.

Strategies to Calm Your Thoughts Before Social Events

Social anxiety can hinder our ability to connect with others, leaving us feeling alone and unfulfilled. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome it and attain a sense of belonging:

1. Aim for some perspective. When things go wrong, try to avoid the tendency to blame yourself. There’s a lot in life that has little to do with you. Someone’s bad mood, a missing invitation, someone’s averted gaze – they most likely have nothing to do with you
2. Accept that you are less than perfect. Many of us are perfectionists who like to hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and then beat ourselves up when we fail to meet a single one of them. What expectations could you lighten up on to relieve some pressure?
3. Stay balanced. Resist being too self-critical and choose to keep a balanced view of yourself. What do other people value about you? What are your strengths?
4. Avoid exaggeration. We often exaggerate by using words like “always” and “never” to describe our perspective of a situation. But they are rarely accurate. Instead, try to use words like often, normally, many, etc.

“It’s not that I was no longer afraid, but as it turns out, you can practice being afraid. The more you do it, the less daunting scary things feel. Also, I learned that nothing is as scary in reality as it is in your head.”

Below is an excerpt from her blog post, Psychologist Dr. Russell Morfitt on How to Deal with Social Anxiety:

______________________________________________________

What can a Learn to Live member expect from the program? How long does it last? What’s the commitment like?

Dr. Russ: Structurally, the Learn to Live Social Anxiety Program consists of eight interactive, multimedia lessons with practice exercises to complete in between. We recommend completing about one lesson per week. Periodic assessments help members to set goals and track their progress along the way.

Members quickly learn that they are not alone, which is very powerful. Throughout the program, they learn the key tools of CBT and how to apply them in their personal situation. Members also learn how to build up their social support network, a trusted group of friends or family that may support and encourage them throughout the program.

And it’s not just thought-challenges and fear-facing exercises. These are important, no doubt. But sometimes it’s the small things in our lives, the tiny avoidant habits that add up to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors. Members learn to identify these habits and work toward changing them. The overall process involves learning online, then applying that learning to one’s life. It’s really the real-world practice that creates results.

______________________________________________________

If you want to find out more about CBT, the Learn to Live story, and social anxiety, here’s the full interview – Psychologist Dr. Russell Morfitt on How to Deal with Social Anxiety.

Molly has done a great job of connecting with other people who have faced their fears, like Jaimal Yogis of The Fear Project, and has even started her own #HeyEleanorChallenge, “a weekly email encouraging you guys to take itty-bitty steps (and the occasional big leap) outside of your comfort zone.” Sign up for the email list here. You can also like “Hey Eleanor” on Facebook or follow along with Molly on Twitter.

Each day, our bodies and minds are collecting data automatically. We sense that the water is too hot to touch, smell rotten food and know it’s time to take the garbage out, or notice the car merging and move over before we collide. I’d like to challenge you to consciously collect data about your social situation, i.e. the people around you and your own actions. You may think, “Why do I need to collect data? What kind of information would I collect, anyway?”

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) uses data collection in a unique way. You will be collecting information about what REALLY happens in a difficult social situation. For example, a trip to a restaurant may involve you thinking SO much about talking to the server, making dinner conversation, or wondering what others think of you, that you don’t actually notice the interactions. Was the server actually rude to you? Did people find you interesting? Were people staring at you, or were they involved with their own conversation, enjoying their food or texting on their smart phone?  These are the interesting and useful data points for a social anxiety sufferer.

Collecting this data can actually be fun. Think of yourself as Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible: this is your mission should you choose to accept it:

1. Take a notecard, or use our “Find Out for Myself” worksheet, and write down what you predict will happen.
2. Observe everything: Where are other people looking?  Are they staring at you?  If so, ALL of them or just a few?  Do they seem happy, sad or indifferent? What they are saying?  Is someone clearly judging you? Is anything terrible happening?  And how about you, are you able to speak, to make a bit of eye contact, to survive?
3. Focus on THEM especially, without doing the things that block the experience and keep you from really observing how things would go if you let go of control of the situation–not concentrating on your thoughts, covering up your shaky hands, drinking alcohol,  or trying to conceal your nervousness in other ways. Really engage. Observe where they are looking. Hear what they are saying. Try not to think about what you will say next.*
4. Review your notes once you return home. Did your automatic thoughts come true, or did things turn out better than expected? Maybe you realized that few people looked at you for any length of time, and no one glared or that people actually smiled at you. People may have been so engaged in their activities that they didn’t have time to notice if you were blushing.  And maybe your fear of being unable to function did not entirely come true, though you may have been imperfect, as we humans so often are.

Mission accomplished!  The more you are able to take a step back and collect information about your surroundings, the more you may find that most of the time, your dire predictions do not come true. You are taking steps to improve your life, learning to live again.

* But here’s the thing—people who have no anxiety problem tend to assume that things in life are just fine unless there is compelling evidence that something will go wrong, or has already.  The opposite is true for those of us with problem anxiety, who automatically predict that bad things will happen (or assume that have happened already) unless we see compelling evidence to the contrary.  So, as we collect these data, we want to be aware of this unfair bias we make, and try to think more like less-anxious people.  We want to be looking for COMPELLING evidence that we are being judged, gossiped about, stared are, or viewed as boring.  Time to bring a high standard for evidence here—we have not found compelling evidence that someone is judging us if they simply don’t smile at us enough, or evidence that they are bored with us, simply because they go talk to another. Most of us think we can read others’ minds, but we can’t. So we need hard evidence here.

School was the hardest in terms of dealing with social anxiety. I was much taller than the other kids and this made me self-conscious. My peers would often bully or taunt me for my height, and I would take these remarks to heart and it would make me withdraw and fear people and social settings even more.

In high school my anxiety remained the same. I’d fear everything involving people; including catching public transport, eating in front of others, attending birthdays or places where there’d be heaps of people, talking to my peers (especially boys!), giving presentations, going to a grocery store, walking along the street, talking on the phone, and even sending an email!

All these situations ignited great fear within me and I would become overly conscious of myself and my behaviour in social interactions, the classic ‘spotlight effect’.

It wasn’t until graduating from high school and starting university that I began to acknowledge my behaviours and the thoughts which may have been contributing to my anxiety. I began seeking self-help books which dealt with social anxiety and CBT, and worked on myself to counteract the negative automatic thoughts I’d have.

From this, my anxiety relieved enormously. However it wasn’t until I begun the Learn to Live online program in conjunction with daily meditation that I saw tremendous results.

I finished the Learn to Live program within 3 months, and in this short time I found my whole mindset and approach to social anxiety change for the better. Through the online coursework I was able to adapt the new knowledge and coping strategies and use them in social settings which would usually cause me great anxiety.

This program is different to others I have tried in terms of its format and its use of tailored CBT strategies for social anxiety sufferers. It gave me a challenge; something to work towards and commit to. I would start a new module each week and commit myself to doing the activities outlined.

Obviously it wasn’t an easy process. Essentially I was training myself to do the absolute opposite of what I’d usually do in situations which caused me fear. Instead of avoiding situations like I usually would, I would make myself confront them and stick to them until the initial fear all but disappeared. From talking to a stranger on the street, to striking up a conversation with a store person, or calling and making my own appointments.

By exposing myself to fearful situations and reminding myself of the practical strategies outlined on the program, I was able to overcome my fears and realize that I have much more inner strength than I realized.

One of the turning points was when I decided to attend a big event by myself. It included meeting and talking to a celebrity. I was so anxious beforehand, but because I was aware of these thoughts I knew how to counteract them and relax.

Not only did I make new friends, I also managed to hold a conversation with the celebrity and ask for a picture!

From this event I’ve continued to improve in leaps and bounds. I can happily walk down a street or go shopping without feeling that crushing sense of self-consciousness and fear of what people think of me. I have no qualms about picking up a phone and talking to a stranger. I initiate 90% of my conversations with strangers, friends, and family.

Rather than fearing social settings, I now look at them as ‘challenges’ and find I actually end up enjoying being in these situations.

One of my favorite things to do now is to sit and eat at a café in the city – by myself. I also feel calm and confident in my social interactions, to the point that now talking casually to a stranger in passing or with a co-worker is second nature.

Of course there have been times where I’ve felt my old feelings of crippling fear and anxiety. Sometimes it has been a case of 3 steps forward and 5 steps back. The difference now though is that I am now aware of the reasons behind my behaviors and am able to effectively deal with the anxiety as soon as it arises.

Through continued training with CBT and the modules on Learn to Live, these positive coping strategies are starting to become – and will end up – being my normal way of behaving.

Dealing with social anxiety is extremely prohibiting. It can make you feel alienated, alone, and like there’s something wrong with you. In my experience, the worst part was having others think that you were arrogant or rude or disinterested in them, when in fact, the opposite was true!

Such behaviors which I used as coping strategies included avoiding eye contact, pretending to not ‘see’ someone as to avoid conversation, covering my mouth while I ate, letting others do the talking in groups, and completely withdrawing from people, to name a few.

I can never thank Dr. Russ and the team at Learn to Live enough for helping me to realise that social anxiety is not who I am and that essentially, I am in control of how I choose to let this fear dictate me.

Social anxiety is not a sign of weakness, moreover it is a heightened sense of awareness of your own thoughts and behaviors in social settings. Once you begin to learn this, it becomes easy to begin changing these negative and prohibiting thoughts and behaviors and to start accepting yourself for who you are and learn to live as the interesting, confident, and fun person you really are!

It’s officially here, the proverbial “most wonderful time of the year.” But for some, especially those living with social anxiety, this time of year may be anything but wonderful. Work parties, family gatherings, holiday travel, it can all get stressful in a hurry for a social anxiety sufferer. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective approaches to dealing with stress in our lives. It provides several different techniques to help people, including those social anxiety, depression, or excessive stress, anxiety, or worry. One of the key components of CBT is identifying problems that may exist within our thoughts, those thoughts that are so ingrained in us that we don’t really notice them anymore. The idea is that if we are able to identify flaws in our thoughts, we can change them. We at Learn to Live have a name for those problems– ANTS, for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Below is a list of some of the ANTS a person may detect:

All or Nothing Thinking – “I tried avoid cookies and ended up eating one. See, I have no self-control. I’ll have to give up on my diet now.” These thoughts don’t allow room for mistakes or flexibility.

Should Statements – “I lost my patience with my kids at the Christmas program. I should always be able to control my emotions. What’s wrong with me?” These statements usually involve unrealistic expectations and don’t allow for flexibility.

Mind Reading – “My aunt didn’t smile much during our conversation at dinner. She probably thinks I’m boring and stupid.” Mind reading thoughts make assumptions about another’s feelings or thoughts without any real evidence to support it.

See also: Overcoming Social Anxiety was HARD, but it changed my life…

Disaster Making – “I’m probably going to fail the final test, and if I fail the test, I won’t have any chance of getting into college. I won’t be able to handle it.” These thoughts assume the worst-case scenario in all situations. The imagined outcome is out of proportion and I believe it will be beyond my ability to cope.

Personalizing – “If only I had been at the nursing home, mom never would have fallen. Now she has a broken hip and can’t join us for the holidays…and it’s all my fault.” These thoughts take the blame for all bad outcomes, denying responsibility to anyone else.

You’ve probably all heard the familiar clichés, “Knowledge is power,” and “Knowing is half the battle.” In this case, they are both true – being able to identify these thinking patterns as automatic and unhelpful is the first step in being able to change your thoughts and ultimately your life. After identifying these thinking problems, I’ll tell you about some more ANTS and then move on fear facing. Stop back soon to check out our upcoming posts on these topics.

“The world as we have created is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”  ~ Albert Einstein

Although Thanksgiving has passed, the tips in our recent post, Take Social Anxiety Off Your Thanksgiving Menu will still apply for your upcoming holiday gatherings.

• Travel – Thanksgiving crowds at the airport or on a bus, train or subway are larger than usual. The possibility for social interactions (making eye contact, talking to the person next to you) increases.
• Preparation – Holiday preparation can be stressful for anyone. Throw in the added anxiety about going to the store or having a group of people in your home, and the stress level increases.
• Eating with others – Many people think of dining with others as a fun, social event. For someone with social anxiety, it may be seen as more of a hurdle or something to suffer through. The expectation of dinner table discussion and the simple act of others watching you eat may cause the social anxiety sufferer to lose their appetite.

See also: Overcoming Social Anxiety was HARD, but it changed my life…

• “Public” speaking – In some homes, Grandma always says the prayer before the meal. In others, the act of saying grace or going around the table and sharing what you are thankful for is the norm. Speaking out loud can be hard enough if you have social anxiety, but being asked for a spontaneous prayer or to share what you are personally grateful for may initiate panic mode.
• Socializing – As if the travel, preparation, eating and possibility of impromptu public speaking weren’t enough, the whole POINT of Thanksgiving (besides food and gratitude) is usually socializing with family and friends. While small gatherings of familiar people may be more comfortable, sometimes holiday gatherings mean new people, distant relatives, and large groups.

With all of these opportunities for stress, someone with social anxiety may just decide to skip Thanksgiving a la John Grisham’s book, “Skipping Christmas.” The characters in that book didn’t actually end up skipping Christmas, and you don’t need to skip Thanksgiving. There are ways to handle the stress and anxiety of the holiday:

• If you plan to travel, try to travel with someone you trust. Let them encourage you during moments of anxiety. If you decide to travel alone, prepare well to reduce the unnecessarily stressful moments. Arrive early for your flight/bus/train. Find your gate. Try to spend some of your waiting time doing deep breathing and relaxing with a book or listening to music. As you travel, remind yourself that some anxiety is expected, and that you can just sit with the anxiety until it passes.
• If you are hosting the celebration, do what you can before the actual day to reduce demands on you. Set the table the day before. Splurge and have your groceries delivered via an online service. Enlist help – make the main dish and have family and friends bring the sides, or order a Thanksgiving meal from a local grocery store or restaurant. If you have time, try to exercise that day, even if it’s a short walk or jog. This may reduce your stress by increasing your endorphins (happy brain chemicals) and giving you an extra boost for the day.
• Do an “eating in front of people” trial run. Go out for coffee, or invite 1 or 2 close friends over for dinner. Challenge your anxious thoughts about eating in front of others. Chances are, people are so into their own food, they aren’t taking the time to focus on how you look/what you’re eating/if you are or aren’t contributing to the conversation.
• If you are hosting, you can ask someone else in advance to say the before-meal prayer or lead other religious or non-religious traditions. If you are heading to grandma’s house, call her before to let her know that while you love her and love her food, you just don’t feel comfortable speaking in front of everyone. If you’re feeling brave, go for it. Practice out loud for your spouse. Read the script to yourself in the bathroom mirror. You may just surprise yourself. The “I will never be able to speak out loud in front of people,” may change to “ I can do it imperfectly in front of my close family and friends.”
• The actual socializing may be the most anxiety provoking, but it doesn’t have to be. Most likely, these are people who know and love you. You can sometimes choose to be with a smaller group, or if you feel better on your turf, offer to host. If you find yourself at a large gathering and you have challenged thoughts for similar situations in the past, take time to review them before the event. Though you likely want to reconnect with relatives you see seldom see, it’s okay to spend plenty of time with your support people – spouse, children, parents or best friend. If you need a break from the chaos, find a place to do some breathing exercises, go for a short walk, or talk to someone you trust. If you’re keeping a journal, bring it with you and look back at previous entries.  See how you successfully handled group gatherings in the past. You can do it!

By changing your thoughts and behaviors, even in the smallest of ways, you can change your life.

I’m Heidi. I’m 24 and I live in Milwaukee. I’ve dealt with social anxiety my entire life. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel nervous about something. My anxiety has focused around food mostly; whether people were monitoring what I was eating, whether people would judge me for what I ordered, whether something would be too expensive, you get the idea. It was so bad that I even started to struggle eating at my own dinner table as a kid because it reminded me of the feeling of being in a restaurant and all the formality that goes with it.

I finally started seeking help for my anxiety my freshman year of college by seeing a counselor. It was really helpful, but mostly in sifting through family issues that had caused my anxiety. By the time college was over, I had successfully sorted through all of my baggage as to why my anxiety existed, but I somehow was missing the whole “what to do about it” part. That’s when I found out about the Learn to Live online social anxiety program. I heard about it through a friend, and I decided to give it a try. I was a little skeptical at first, especially considering my anxiety was so specific to eating in restaurants, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to try!

I began the social anxiety program and finished it in under 3 months. I appreciated that I could go through the program at my own pace, especially since the fear-facing stuff was pretty hard. I felt like this was the first time someone was telling me practical things to do to actually deal with my anxiety in the moment besides “just breathe.” The program took me through my thinking process and showed me how to negate my automatic negative thoughts. The homework really helped, but I’m not going to lie, it was tough! No one wants to go into their most anxious places on purpose!! It was truly worth it though, as my life is totally different now that I’ve completed the Learn to Live program.

Right after I finished the program, I met Jon, a guy who went to my college, and we really hit it off. In the past, I purposely avoided first dates because they would inevitably be in a restaurant, which I knew would just tank the relationship when he saw me freaking out. First dates were pretty much a worst-case scenario for my anxiety besides thinking of my wedding day (everyone staring at you while you eat? NO THANKS!). I figured it was worth a shot to go on a real date considering I had all of these new anxiety-fighting tools to try out. I was absolutely freaking out before he came to pick me up, and I literally had the Learn to Live resources and tools out to help me talk through my anxiety before the date. Once he got to my house, I started using the techniques in my head, and the anxiety started to disappear. The date was awesome, and I was so proud that I wanted to jump up and down (of course, that was probably not the best idea in the parking lot of a bar and grill with a guy I just met!). Jon and I continued dating, and we got engaged in January.

Remember when I said worst-case scenario would be a first date or my wedding? I wasn’t lying. I thought of a million ways to try and avoid having a dinner in order to not subject myself to that caliber of anxiety. Alas, social norms always seem to win, and we decided a dinner would be best. I began to brace myself for this day of anxiety. Then I remembered that I still had the homework assignments from the Learn to Live program, so I took them out and started to review. We had a beautiful wedding day. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, until we got into our reception. It turned out that all of the table numbers were wrong, and the head table was in a place that I hadn’t expected: at the very end of the buffet line. That meant that every person who grabbed food would then stop directly in front of my new husband and me, chat about the food and take a good look at what I was eating… AKA my worst nightmare come true. Then other things started to go wrong, like the sound system was glitchy and my dinner music wasn’t working right, and the projector wasn’t working. I started to get really anxious. Really anxious. I took a deep breath, and I started to negate my automatic negative thoughts as they clouded my mind. Slowly but surely, the anxiety subsided. I ended up having a really great rest of my night. I’m so glad I didn’t let my anxiety ruin my wedding reception! I have taken back my island!!

So a new question came to my mind: Does this mean that I’m a failure and that I’ll have anxiety forever? Absolutely not. Anxiety is not going to define me. Will I have relapses when there are certain circumstances that are the perfect storm? Yeah, maybe. But it’s what I do with those circumstances that makes all the difference. If I wallow in how anxious I am, of course I’ll have anxiety forever. I’m giving it power in my life. But if I actively work to wear away at those thoughts as Dr. Russ and the social anxiety program taught me, they’re less likely to come to the surface, and if they do, I can get rid of them much more quickly.

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be anxiety free and eating in restaurants like everyone else, I would have laughed and thought you were making a cruel joke. I had nearly accepted that this was my lot in life, but it’s certainly not true. Take the Learn to Live social anxiety program seriously, and your life will change seriously. It did for me!

Best wishes, and keep fighting!!
Heidi