Our thoughts play a huge role in keeping us awake, whether they are general worries or just frustration about not being able to fall asleep. These thoughts might sound like, “I’m never going to fall asleep,” or “Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.” Most of us are never taught to slow down and ask if our thoughts are actually true, so we just believe them. When we believe them completely, they feel urgent, like we must take action or find an answer right now. That sense of urgency keeps our minds busy and makes it very hard for our bodies to truly relax. 

We cannot just “turn off” our minds like a light switch, but once we see that thoughts are causing our sleeplessness, we can start to handle them differently. One way is to challenge the thought. Ask yourself if you know for sure that the worry is true. You can then try to replace an old thought, like “I’ll be useless tomorrow,” with a more balanced one, such as “I’ve managed to get through the day before even when I didn’t sleep perfectly.” 

Another strategy is to practice mindfulness. This means letting your thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. You observe them without getting stuck in them. You might quietly tell yourself, “That’s just my worried mind talking,” and then focus on your breathing or what you can hear and feel around you. A third option is to write your thoughts down and schedule a “Worry Time” for the next day. This gets the ideas out of your head and onto paper with a plan to fix them tomorrow. The physical act of writing helps many people let go of the stress long enough to calm their minds. 

Instead of treating every thought as an emergency, try using one of these strategies. You can even try all of them to see which one works best for you. Over time and with practice, you can break the cycle of worry and give yourself a much better chance at a restful night. And if you want to learn more, our Insomnia program is a great place to start.  

This transition is a normal part of life, but it isn’t always easy. One of the best ways to handle these changes is by practicing healthy boundaries. 

The “Personal Bubble” Concept 

To understand boundaries, imagine that everyone has a personal “bubble” around them. Inside your bubble are your own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and actions. Every time you interact with someone, your bubbles come together. 

• Too Much Space: If the bubbles are too far apart, the relationship can feel cold or lonely. You might feel like you don’t really know what is going on in each other’s lives. 

• Overlapping Bubbles: If the bubbles overlap, one person usually ends up trying to “fix” or “rescue” the other. This can make the adult child feel smothered and the parent feel exhausted from solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve. 

• The Healthy Balance: The goal is to be close without overlapping. This means being supportive and warm while remembering that each person is responsible for their own “bubble.” 

Three Steps to a Better Relationship 

When you keep your bubbles close but separate, you create a stronger bond. You can: 

1. Acceptance: Acknowledge that your adult child is responsible for their own thoughts and choices. 

2. Set Limits: Give yourself permission to say “no” or step back to protect your own peace of mind. 

3. Collaborate: Have honest, respectful conversations where you work together as equals. 

Think of a boundary as a respectful bridge rather than a wall. It provides the space needed for a meaningful connection as your relationship moves into this new stage of life. Setting and maintaining health boundaries won’t eliminate every twist and turn of the emotional rollercoaster, but it can help smooth the ride. 

At its core, CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected. The way we think about ourselves, and our situations directly influences how we feel and act. Sometimes we struggle to reach goals, not because we lack motivation or ability, but because of unhelpful thought patterns getting in the way. CBT helps us identify and change these patterns so we can move toward our goals with clarity and confidence. 

For example, imagine someone who wants to start exercising regularly but keeps putting it off. A CBT-based approach might begin by exploring the thoughts that fuel procrastination, such as “I’ll never stick with it anyway” or “I’m too tired to start today.” Can you imagine how these kinds of thoughts can lower motivation, make us feel discouraged, or lead to procrastination? By challenging and replacing them with more balanced thoughts – like “ It’s possible I won’t be perfect at sticking with it, but any effort I make still counts as progress.” or “Maybe I don’t have the energy for everything today, but I can do one small step.” – we can start to shift our mindset. Over time, practicing these new ways of thinking can lift mood, increase motivation, and help turn small, consistent steps into lasting change. 

While the cognitive side of CBT is what often comes to mind for those of us considering using it, the behavioral side is equally important. Behavioral tools can also play a key role in helping us follow through. For example, behavioral activation involves getting active and putting ourselves in more rewarding situations. The idea is that often, feeling better follows the action – once we start moving, we feel energized and encouraged to continue. This can be especially helpful in reaching our goals when initial motivation fades or setbacks occur. Returning to the exercise example: instead of waiting to “feel like” it, we might plan to put on workout clothes right after waking up or schedule a 10-minute walk during lunch. By committing to these actions, we create opportunities to take steps toward our goals rather than waiting for motivation to strike first.  

Ultimately, CBT empowers us and helps us build more self-awareness, discipline, and confidence, which are essential ingredients for achieving any meaningful goal. By learning to manage our thoughts and behaviors intentionally, we are not just changing habits; we also can start to reach goals that once felt out of reach. 

We do not need to simply accept the end of year as a stressful season. Let’s talk about a few impactful strategies that can ease some of the challenges. And make this time of year more manageable.  

Catching our Automatic Negative Thinking Traps (ANTs). We all have patterns of thinking that can sometimes make challenges feel bigger than they are. These thinking patterns – called ANTs – are common and can happen to any of us. And they can add unnecessary stress to an already busy time of year. One common ANT during this season is Should Statements – thinking in terms of what must be or must be done. You may be thinking things like “I should have everything perfect” or “I should be able to handle this all easily.” Try to pay closer attention to your thoughts. Next time a Should Statement shows up – ask yourself, “says who?”.  

Breaking down your time and to-dos. When everything feels urgent and overwhelming, it can help to break it down. Write down everything you have to get done. If you have a bigger task, break it down into smaller tasks that will take no longer than 30 minutes. Once you have your list written out, prioritize it. Consider urgency. This is how time sensitive each task is. You will also want to consider importance. This is how important a task is in the long-term. Then choose three high priority tasks to focus on for the day. You can always add more after completing your first three.  

Practicing Present Awareness. When the end of the year leaves you feeling a mix of emotions, it can be easy to lose sight of what is most important. Practicing mindfulness during this busy season can help you slow down and actually enjoy the moments that matter most. If stress or anxiety starts to feel overwhelming, you can practice bringing your attention to the present moment. You can do this by noticing: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.   

The goal here isn’t to eliminate all stress. Some stress around meaningful events is normal and even helpful. But the next time you find your mind spinning and anxiety spiking, consider using these tools to help you manage end-of-year stress in a way that allows you to live a full and meaningful life. 

Our thoughts can often fall into unhelpful patterns that can make times of loneliness feel even worse. Being aware of these thought patterns (called Automatic Negative Thinking Traps or ANTs) is an important first step in easing the sense of isolation. Here are some ANTs that commonly show up during the holiday season: 

• Feeling Makes Fact is where we feel something so strongly, we believe it must be true. Our feelings of loneliness may feel so strong that we believe it is our permanent truth.  

• All-or-Nothing Thinking is where we think in extremes. This might sound like “I need to make time for all my loved ones this season otherwise the holidays are ruined.” These types of thoughts do not allow for the reality that you can feel lonely and still have meaningful connections. 

• Focus Only on the Bad is where we focus only on the bad parts of our situation. Thoughts like “Nobody reached out to me today” might show up, while you ignore that your sibling called the day before.  

When you notice unhelpful thoughts, you can pause and check-in with yourself. Are there any ANTs showing up here? Does this thought have any evidence behind it? This quick check in can help us spot when our thoughts are making our feelings of loneliness worse. And then step away from the thinking traps rather than getting caught in them.  

We can also look at taking action to feel more connected. Behavioral activation is a tool that focuses on engaging in meaningful activities. Think about some ways you may be able to connect with others – big or small. You could send one text to someone you haven’t connected with recently. Or reach out to ask a family member to grab coffee with you. Maybe what you are hoping for is new connections. You could try attending a community event or volunteer for an organization that aligns with your values. 

Once you decide what you would like to do to connect with others, it is helpful to schedule it in. You could try a weekly text check-in. Or a monthly coffee. Community or volunteer events may already have a schedule once you get going. But it may be helpful to schedule in a time for yourself to sign up or do some research on what organization or event you would want to do. You could schedule time daily or weekly. If you would like to make it a habit, it is best to schedule it after a habit you already have. This could be something simple, like committing to do 15 minutes of research each night after dinner. Or sending a text check-in each week after your morning workout class.  

The holiday season can be tough when we are feeling lonely. But the next time you find yourself feeling alone, remember that you now have tools to respond differently. You can take steps toward a more meaningful and connected holiday season.  

If you do catch yourself in a spiral of worried thoughts, there are steps you can take. One powerful way to help you slow down and get yourself out of the spiral is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness means staying present and aware without judgment. This allows you to do a few things: you can simply observe that you’re having these thoughts; you can remind yourself that the thoughts and feelings are only temporary; you can then ask yourself: “What truly matters to me right now?” and “How can my values guide me to refocus my time and energy in a meaningful way?” 

The practice of mindfulness can become particularly valuable as we age. We can stop ourselves from getting lost in stories about what the changes of aging might mean. We can continue to focus on what we value most – even if this changes over time. No matter what is that you value, mindfulness can help guide you to live according to your values rather than your fears. 

Turning our attention toward what we value is an important step. It’s also important to take meaningful action. Behavioral activation is a powerful tool that helps us do just that. Activation focuses on taking small steps to increase positive activities. We can use it to create meaningful connections to counter the loneliness that many feel as we age.   

Creating connections will look different for everyone. You might start by calling a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Or getting lunch with a family member. You could consider finding others who share your interests. Maybe you do this by volunteering for a cause you care about or joining a club.  

The goal is not to recreate the social life you may have had in the past. Who we are and what matters to will change with us as we age. We want to use mindfulness to stay present. And to direct our attention to what matters most. Activation can help us build connections. You want to use both tools in a way that will feel meaningful for who you are now. 

As you continue to practice, those spirals of worry and feelings of loneliness begin to lose their grip. You can continue to grow and find new meaning and purpose with each new season of life.  

Understanding why life transitions feel so difficult can help us to better understand and accept our experience. When we go through transitions, we are dealing with complex emotions while figuring out how to adjust to a new normal. Transitions naturally involve grief. Even happy changes require mourning what we’re leaving behind. We also tend to desire and seek out predictability. And adjusting to a new normal takes time and effort. That promotion means saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. That new relationship means a new normal with another person. That move to a new city means losing connection with old friends.

So, what can we do to work through the big transitions that we’re likely to encounter in life?

Try behavioral activation. In times of transition, we can be prone to freezing up. But behavioral activation means taking meaningful actions aligned with your values. You can ask yourself some questions. What matters most to me in this next phase of life? What’s one tiny step I can take today toward who I want to be? Put it in your calendar. Follow through. And celebrate once you do! It does not need to be perfect. The goal is just to continue taking small steps forward.

Possibly the most challenging aspect of transitions is the uncertainty that comes with them. We want to know how things will turn out. But often growth means we have to step outside our comfort zone and sit with not knowing. Present Awareness is a tool that can help us tolerate this discomfort. Present Awareness involves addressing your worries and concerns as what they are – thoughts. And to let them come and go without judging them.

Transitions are temporary. But the resilience you gain by working through them goes a long way. That confusing space we can find ourselves stuck in during big transitions? You do not need to escape it. You can use tools to help you push forward into your next phase of life.

Transitions can lead to heightened stress in both parents and children. And this can be the case whether expected or unexpected. Negative or positive. The good news? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools can offer your family powerful ways to get through these times of transition together. CBT teaches us that our thoughts drive our feelings and behaviors. During transitions families can face thoughts. These thoughts might sound like “This change will be terrible”. Or “I just cannot handle this stress.”

If these thoughts go without question, they can lead to unhelpful emotions and behaviors. You can help support your whole family by shifting the perspective. You can reframe these hard times as an opportunity for growth. Consider some powerful strategies you could practice with your family:

• Thought Inspection. Family members can write down worries about the coming changes. Then challenge these thoughts with evidence. Maybe your child is worried about making friends. Then they might be able to recall previous years when they successfully connected with new classmates.
• Active Problem-Solving. Teach your children to approach changes on step at a time. Help them to identify the specific concern. Brainstorm solutions. Weigh the options. Then choose one to try. You can help them to reassess as needed.
• Gratitude. Try creating a family ritual of gratitude. You can have each person share one memory they will cherish from the previous season of life. As well as one thing they are looking forward to in the new season.

As a parent, you also have the important responsibility of serving as a role model to your family. Children watch how adults handle change. You can practice self-compassion and use some of these tools during stressful transitions. That will help to show your children how they can successfully work through tough transitions and life changes.

As summer fades into fall, these tools can offer a path forward. They can help you with the back-to-school transition by turning these times into opportunities for flourishing.

Does this reaction sound familiar? If so, you likely know that the season’s focus on gatherings can intensify social anxiety. And sometimes the disconnect between others’ excitement and our own feelings of dread can leave us feeling isolated and ashamed.

Fortunately, there are practical tools, grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), that can help. You can take steps to overcome social anxiety and fully engage in your social calendar this summer.

Step 1: Identify specific situations. You may notice yourself dreading the “social calendar” of summer as a whole. Try breaking it down. Is it making small talk at your kid’s birthday party? Is it the idea of wearing summer clothing that fills you with dread? Or maybe you are nervous about events with a lot of new people. Whatever it is – being able to identify specific situations can help you take the next steps of addressing social anxiety.

Step 2: Explore your thoughts.  Many people are surprised by the fact that it is actually our thoughts about situations that lead to our anxiety. Not the situations themselves. Try to identify any thoughts you have in relation to the specific situation you identified. This might be “They will think I’m boring.” Or “I might stumble on my words and sound stupid.” You can explore these thoughts with a few simple questions like:

• Do I know for sure that this thought is true?
• Imagine my thought is not true. Could this turn out okay or even well? What would that look like?
• Even if my thought is true, will this moment feel like a big in 5 years?

Step 3: Practice Fear-facing. Sometimes we find that we remain afraid of situations even after identifying problems with our thoughts. That is where Fear-facing comes in. Fear-facing means purposely putting ourselves in the situations we fear. And this helps us learn at a deeper level that we don’t have to be afraid. You can start small. Maybe you make a friendly comment to a stranger at a park. Then over time, you can work up to more challenging situations, like sparking conversations at a small gathering or attending your annual neighborhood barbecue.

There are resources to help you reduce anxiety and build confidence so that enjoying your summer schedule feels more manageable. And you may even start to look forward to those invitations to connect with others.

Maria’s not alone. Her fear is shared by many. But there is good news. Our brains have remarkable adaptability. Research shows we can maintain and even enhance our brain health throughout life. This becomes increasingly important as we age. And Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers practical tools that can help support our brain health.

It is important to know the difference between brain and mind. You can think of your brain as biological hardware. The physical organ with billions of connected neural pathways. And you can think of your mind as the software. Software that runs your thoughts, emotions, and cognitive processes. Caring for your brain often focuses on nutrition and physical activity. As well as quality sleep and medical care. Activating your mind might involve cognitive challenges and stress management. It may also focus on our connection to others.

Brain and mind health influence one another through neuroplasticity. This is our brain’s ability to form new neural pathways based on our experiences, thoughts, and activities. It was thought that the adult brain did not have this adaptability. But we now know that is not true. Neuroplasticity works well into adulthood. It simply needs more intentional activation.

Several CBT tools can help to improve our neuroplasticity and brain health. Behavioral activation encourages scheduling meaningful activities. This can keep our minds sharp and improve our moods. It also contributes to improved neuroplasticity in our brains. Mindfulness practices and helpful sleep habits can improve attention and focus. They have also shown to support brain regions tied to memory.

As we age, these tools can offer many benefits. Simple practices like mindfulness, scheduling pleasant activities, and keeping sleep routines provide clear ways to support your brain health. With continued intention, we can actively maintain our brain health throughout our lives.