One of the first steps is to let yourself feel your emotions. Usually, you will feel more than one thing at a time. You might feel sad but also relieved. You might feel love and anger at once. When we tell ourselves we “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, we typically just make ourselves feel worse. Instead, just notice what is there. Is it fear? Sadness? Naming your feelings can actually help them feel less intense. Your feelings are important, but they don’t have to make your choices for you. 

It also helps to look closely at the thoughts in your thoughts. When we have big feelings, we often tell ourselves “stories” that aren’t quite true, like “I’ll always be alone” or “It’s all my fault.” These thoughts feel true in the moment, but you should try to question them. Ask yourself: “Is there proof this is true?” or “Is there a kinder way to look at this?” You don’t have to force yourself to be happy, but you should try to find the truth behind your thoughts. 

Once you understand your feelings and thoughts, think about your “values” the things that are most important to you. When things are hard, we often react without thinking. Knowing your values helps you decide how to act, even when you are upset. Ask yourself: “What kind of person do I want to be?” and “What is okay for me to put up with?” Acting on your values helps you feel more confident. When a relationship changes, your daily routine changes, too. Using your values to reconnect with friends or hobbies can help you feel steady again. 

Dealing with relationship changes is not linear. Many times, it zigs zags back and forth. Some days you will feel great, and other days you might feel sad again. That is a natural part of healing. Consider enrolling in Learn to Live’s Resilience program to learn more tools that can help navigate any relationship.  

This feeling of “emotional drowning” is often hard for others to see. This is because what we show on the outside doesn’t match what is happening on the inside. You might still go to school or work, take care of your family, answer texts, and even laugh at the right times. But inside, you might feel overwhelmed, lonely, or numb. You might feel tired all the time, grumpy, or restless. 

When no one knows how much you’re struggling, you can start to believe that no one could ever understand. You might go through your day hoping someone will notice and ask if you’re okay. But then, when someone finally asks, you fall right back into “autopilot” and say, “I’m fine.” 

Often, this happens for a few reasons:   

• We don’t take the time to stop and think about how we really feel. 

• We worry that our problems will be a “burden” (too much work) for others. 

• We believe that everyone expects us to just keep going. 

• We don’t know what else to do besides “pushing through” the pain. 

So how do you stay afloat and reach out for help? Start with yourself. An important first step is being honest with yourself. Before you tell the truth to others, you have to admit it to yourself. That might mean stopping for a second when someone asks how you are, or thinking about it later if you realize you lied and said you were “fine.” 

Open up slowly. You don’t have to go from saying “I’m fine” to telling your whole life story. Start small. Try saying things like, “I’ve been having a hard week,” or “I’m more stressed than I look,” or “I don’t really know how I’m doing, but things feel heavy right now.” 

Choose the right people. Not everyone needs to know your deepest feelings. Sometimes it makes sense to tell a stranger you’re fine and move on. But find people you trust to talk to so you don’t have to deal with this alone. Look for someone who listens without trying to “fix” you or judging you. 

You don’t have to keep saying you’re fine while you are drowning. You can choose to do things differently. Pause before you answer a question. Tell the truth, even if it’s just to yourself for now. When you’re ready, reach out to someone who can sit with you while things are tough. These small acts of honesty can slowly bring you back to the surface. 

Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a condition that affects how the brain develops. It can change how a person communicates, interacts with others, and experiences the world around them. One of the most important things to understand is that autism is a spectrum. This means that every person with autism has a unique mix of strengths and challenges. Some people may speak with their voices, while others use tablets or signs to communicate. Some might be amazing at music, art, or solving complex problems, while also finding loud noises or social situations difficult. There is no single way that autism looks, and every person has their own unique story. 

Autism Awareness Month was created because many people still have misunderstandings about autism. Some individuals go many years without knowing they have it. Others may struggle in places like schools or stores that are too loud or don’t support their way of communicating. While awareness sounds simple, it can make a huge difference. It helps clear up myths, like the idea that all autistic people act the same way. When communities learn the truth, schools and workplaces become more supportive and welcoming for everyone. 

Awareness is a great start, but acceptance and action are just as important. This month encourages everyone to listen to autistic voices and use respectful language. It is a time to speak up for things like quiet spaces or flexible ways of talking to one another. It is also a reminder to celebrate the creative ideas and perspectives that individuals with autism bring to our world. 

By recognizing Autism Awareness Month, we show that every person deserves to be seen, supported, and valued. When we accept the many ways that people are different, our communities become kinder and more connected. 

Our thoughts play a huge role in keeping us awake, whether they are general worries or just frustration about not being able to fall asleep. These thoughts might sound like, “I’m never going to fall asleep,” or “Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.” Most of us are never taught to slow down and ask if our thoughts are actually true, so we just believe them. When we believe them completely, they feel urgent, like we must take action or find an answer right now. That sense of urgency keeps our minds busy and makes it very hard for our bodies to truly relax. 

We cannot just “turn off” our minds like a light switch, but once we see that thoughts are causing our sleeplessness, we can start to handle them differently. One way is to challenge the thought. Ask yourself if you know for sure that the worry is true. You can then try to replace an old thought, like “I’ll be useless tomorrow,” with a more balanced one, such as “I’ve managed to get through the day before even when I didn’t sleep perfectly.” 

Another strategy is to practice mindfulness. This means letting your thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. You observe them without getting stuck in them. You might quietly tell yourself, “That’s just my worried mind talking,” and then focus on your breathing or what you can hear and feel around you. A third option is to write your thoughts down and schedule a “Worry Time” for the next day. This gets the ideas out of your head and onto paper with a plan to fix them tomorrow. The physical act of writing helps many people let go of the stress long enough to calm their minds. 

Instead of treating every thought as an emergency, try using one of these strategies. You can even try all of them to see which one works best for you. Over time and with practice, you can break the cycle of worry and give yourself a much better chance at a restful night. And if you want to learn more, our Insomnia program is a great place to start.  

This transition is a normal part of life, but it isn’t always easy. One of the best ways to handle these changes is by practicing healthy boundaries. 

The “Personal Bubble” Concept 

To understand boundaries, imagine that everyone has a personal “bubble” around them. Inside your bubble are your own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and actions. Every time you interact with someone, your bubbles come together. 

• Too Much Space: If the bubbles are too far apart, the relationship can feel cold or lonely. You might feel like you don’t really know what is going on in each other’s lives. 

• Overlapping Bubbles: If the bubbles overlap, one person usually ends up trying to “fix” or “rescue” the other. This can make the adult child feel smothered and the parent feel exhausted from solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve. 

• The Healthy Balance: The goal is to be close without overlapping. This means being supportive and warm while remembering that each person is responsible for their own “bubble.” 

Three Steps to a Better Relationship 

When you keep your bubbles close but separate, you create a stronger bond. You can: 

1. Acceptance: Acknowledge that your adult child is responsible for their own thoughts and choices. 

2. Set Limits: Give yourself permission to say “no” or step back to protect your own peace of mind. 

3. Collaborate: Have honest, respectful conversations where you work together as equals. 

Think of a boundary as a respectful bridge rather than a wall. It provides the space needed for a meaningful connection as your relationship moves into this new stage of life. Setting and maintaining health boundaries won’t eliminate every twist and turn of the emotional rollercoaster, but it can help smooth the ride. 

At its core, CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected. The way we think about ourselves, and our situations directly influences how we feel and act. Sometimes we struggle to reach goals, not because we lack motivation or ability, but because of unhelpful thought patterns getting in the way. CBT helps us identify and change these patterns so we can move toward our goals with clarity and confidence. 

For example, imagine someone who wants to start exercising regularly but keeps putting it off. A CBT-based approach might begin by exploring the thoughts that fuel procrastination, such as “I’ll never stick with it anyway” or “I’m too tired to start today.” Can you imagine how these kinds of thoughts can lower motivation, make us feel discouraged, or lead to procrastination? By challenging and replacing them with more balanced thoughts – like “ It’s possible I won’t be perfect at sticking with it, but any effort I make still counts as progress.” or “Maybe I don’t have the energy for everything today, but I can do one small step.” – we can start to shift our mindset. Over time, practicing these new ways of thinking can lift mood, increase motivation, and help turn small, consistent steps into lasting change. 

While the cognitive side of CBT is what often comes to mind for those of us considering using it, the behavioral side is equally important. Behavioral tools can also play a key role in helping us follow through. For example, behavioral activation involves getting active and putting ourselves in more rewarding situations. The idea is that often, feeling better follows the action – once we start moving, we feel energized and encouraged to continue. This can be especially helpful in reaching our goals when initial motivation fades or setbacks occur. Returning to the exercise example: instead of waiting to “feel like” it, we might plan to put on workout clothes right after waking up or schedule a 10-minute walk during lunch. By committing to these actions, we create opportunities to take steps toward our goals rather than waiting for motivation to strike first.  

Ultimately, CBT empowers us and helps us build more self-awareness, discipline, and confidence, which are essential ingredients for achieving any meaningful goal. By learning to manage our thoughts and behaviors intentionally, we are not just changing habits; we also can start to reach goals that once felt out of reach. 

We do not need to simply accept the end of year as a stressful season. Let’s talk about a few impactful strategies that can ease some of the challenges. And make this time of year more manageable.  

Catching our Automatic Negative Thinking Traps (ANTs). We all have patterns of thinking that can sometimes make challenges feel bigger than they are. These thinking patterns – called ANTs – are common and can happen to any of us. And they can add unnecessary stress to an already busy time of year. One common ANT during this season is Should Statements – thinking in terms of what must be or must be done. You may be thinking things like “I should have everything perfect” or “I should be able to handle this all easily.” Try to pay closer attention to your thoughts. Next time a Should Statement shows up – ask yourself, “says who?”.  

Breaking down your time and to-dos. When everything feels urgent and overwhelming, it can help to break it down. Write down everything you have to get done. If you have a bigger task, break it down into smaller tasks that will take no longer than 30 minutes. Once you have your list written out, prioritize it. Consider urgency. This is how time sensitive each task is. You will also want to consider importance. This is how important a task is in the long-term. Then choose three high priority tasks to focus on for the day. You can always add more after completing your first three.  

Practicing Present Awareness. When the end of the year leaves you feeling a mix of emotions, it can be easy to lose sight of what is most important. Practicing mindfulness during this busy season can help you slow down and actually enjoy the moments that matter most. If stress or anxiety starts to feel overwhelming, you can practice bringing your attention to the present moment. You can do this by noticing: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.   

The goal here isn’t to eliminate all stress. Some stress around meaningful events is normal and even helpful. But the next time you find your mind spinning and anxiety spiking, consider using these tools to help you manage end-of-year stress in a way that allows you to live a full and meaningful life. 

Our thoughts can often fall into unhelpful patterns that can make times of loneliness feel even worse. Being aware of these thought patterns (called Automatic Negative Thinking Traps or ANTs) is an important first step in easing the sense of isolation. Here are some ANTs that commonly show up during the holiday season: 

• Feeling Makes Fact is where we feel something so strongly, we believe it must be true. Our feelings of loneliness may feel so strong that we believe it is our permanent truth.  

• All-or-Nothing Thinking is where we think in extremes. This might sound like “I need to make time for all my loved ones this season otherwise the holidays are ruined.” These types of thoughts do not allow for the reality that you can feel lonely and still have meaningful connections. 

• Focus Only on the Bad is where we focus only on the bad parts of our situation. Thoughts like “Nobody reached out to me today” might show up, while you ignore that your sibling called the day before.  

When you notice unhelpful thoughts, you can pause and check-in with yourself. Are there any ANTs showing up here? Does this thought have any evidence behind it? This quick check in can help us spot when our thoughts are making our feelings of loneliness worse. And then step away from the thinking traps rather than getting caught in them.  

We can also look at taking action to feel more connected. Behavioral activation is a tool that focuses on engaging in meaningful activities. Think about some ways you may be able to connect with others – big or small. You could send one text to someone you haven’t connected with recently. Or reach out to ask a family member to grab coffee with you. Maybe what you are hoping for is new connections. You could try attending a community event or volunteer for an organization that aligns with your values. 

Once you decide what you would like to do to connect with others, it is helpful to schedule it in. You could try a weekly text check-in. Or a monthly coffee. Community or volunteer events may already have a schedule once you get going. But it may be helpful to schedule in a time for yourself to sign up or do some research on what organization or event you would want to do. You could schedule time daily or weekly. If you would like to make it a habit, it is best to schedule it after a habit you already have. This could be something simple, like committing to do 15 minutes of research each night after dinner. Or sending a text check-in each week after your morning workout class.  

The holiday season can be tough when we are feeling lonely. But the next time you find yourself feeling alone, remember that you now have tools to respond differently. You can take steps toward a more meaningful and connected holiday season.  

If you do catch yourself in a spiral of worried thoughts, there are steps you can take. One powerful way to help you slow down and get yourself out of the spiral is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness means staying present and aware without judgment. This allows you to do a few things: you can simply observe that you’re having these thoughts; you can remind yourself that the thoughts and feelings are only temporary; you can then ask yourself: “What truly matters to me right now?” and “How can my values guide me to refocus my time and energy in a meaningful way?” 

The practice of mindfulness can become particularly valuable as we age. We can stop ourselves from getting lost in stories about what the changes of aging might mean. We can continue to focus on what we value most – even if this changes over time. No matter what is that you value, mindfulness can help guide you to live according to your values rather than your fears. 

Turning our attention toward what we value is an important step. It’s also important to take meaningful action. Behavioral activation is a powerful tool that helps us do just that. Activation focuses on taking small steps to increase positive activities. We can use it to create meaningful connections to counter the loneliness that many feel as we age.   

Creating connections will look different for everyone. You might start by calling a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Or getting lunch with a family member. You could consider finding others who share your interests. Maybe you do this by volunteering for a cause you care about or joining a club.  

The goal is not to recreate the social life you may have had in the past. Who we are and what matters to will change with us as we age. We want to use mindfulness to stay present. And to direct our attention to what matters most. Activation can help us build connections. You want to use both tools in a way that will feel meaningful for who you are now. 

As you continue to practice, those spirals of worry and feelings of loneliness begin to lose their grip. You can continue to grow and find new meaning and purpose with each new season of life.  

Understanding why life transitions feel so difficult can help us to better understand and accept our experience. When we go through transitions, we are dealing with complex emotions while figuring out how to adjust to a new normal. Transitions naturally involve grief. Even happy changes require mourning what we’re leaving behind. We also tend to desire and seek out predictability. And adjusting to a new normal takes time and effort. That promotion means saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. That new relationship means a new normal with another person. That move to a new city means losing connection with old friends.

So, what can we do to work through the big transitions that we’re likely to encounter in life?

Try behavioral activation. In times of transition, we can be prone to freezing up. But behavioral activation means taking meaningful actions aligned with your values. You can ask yourself some questions. What matters most to me in this next phase of life? What’s one tiny step I can take today toward who I want to be? Put it in your calendar. Follow through. And celebrate once you do! It does not need to be perfect. The goal is just to continue taking small steps forward.

Possibly the most challenging aspect of transitions is the uncertainty that comes with them. We want to know how things will turn out. But often growth means we have to step outside our comfort zone and sit with not knowing. Present Awareness is a tool that can help us tolerate this discomfort. Present Awareness involves addressing your worries and concerns as what they are – thoughts. And to let them come and go without judging them.

Transitions are temporary. But the resilience you gain by working through them goes a long way. That confusing space we can find ourselves stuck in during big transitions? You do not need to escape it. You can use tools to help you push forward into your next phase of life.