CBT looks at how your thoughts, feelings, and actions are connected. People who struggle with perfectionism often have thoughts like, “If I make a mistake, I’m a failure,” or “If I’m not the best, I’m not good enough.” These thoughts can make you feel stressed and afraid of failing. CBT helps you notice these thoughts and replace them with ones that are more realistic and kinder. The goal is not to stop trying your best. The goal is to remember that your worth is about more than your performance. 

One helpful CBT skill is learning to challenge all-or-nothing thinking. This happens when you see things as either perfect or a total complete failure. Instead, try looking for the middle ground. For example, instead of thinking, “I ruined that presentation,” you could say, “It wasn’t perfect, but I still did some things well.” This can help you feel more confident and less discouraged. 

CBT also helps with procrastination. Many perfectionists put off starting a task because they are afraid of making mistakes. A good way to overcome this is to break big tasks into smaller steps and focus on making progress instead of being perfect. Taking small steps is usually better than waiting for the perfect time to begin. 

Perfectionism is also fueled by a harsh inner voice. When you notice yourself thinking, “I’m a failure,” try replacing that thought with, “I made a mistake, but one mistake does not define me.” Talking to yourself with kindness can help you bounce back from challenges and keep moving forward. With practice, you can let go of perfectionism and build healthier habits that support both your goals and your emotional well-being. 

The next time you catch yourself rewriting an email over and over or putting off a task until it feels perfect, ask yourself, “Is perfectionism helping me or holding me back?” If it’s holding you back, the Learn to Live Stress, Anxiety, and Worry program can be a great place to start!  

What is an emotional boundary? Each of us has a bubble around us that represents our thoughts, emotions, opinions, wishes, and actions. If someone else’s bubble encroaches on ours, we feel pushed around or controlled. But sometimes we can intrude on others’ bubbles because we want to fix, rescue, or control them. We’re typically at our best when our bubbles are close but not overlapping. 

At the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the simple but powerful idea that our thoughts influence our emotions and behaviors. Many people struggle with boundaries. And often it’s not because, for example, they don’t realize that they’re overtaxed. But it’s because thoughts get in the way. Thoughts like, “If I say no, they’ll be upset,” or “I should be able to handle this,” involve us crowding into someone else’s bubble by trying to control what they feel or think. We often do this with good intentions, but their thoughts and feelings are part of their bubble. All that can lead to overextending, resentment, or burnout. 

So where do we start? First, we need to build awareness. Notice moments when you feel overwhelmed, irritated, or anxious. These feelings can signal that a boundary may be needed. From there, identify the thoughts driving your emotions. Are you taking on responsibility for someone else’s feelings? Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard?  

Next comes a key CBT skill, Thought Inspection: examining unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more balanced ones. For example, shifting from “If I say no, they’ll be upset” to “It’s okay to have limits, and if they’re upset by my limits, I can let let them have their bubble.” More balanced thoughts make it easier to listen to ourselves to know what we need.  

Once you have a more balanced thought, you can communicate your boundaries, clearly and respectfully, using assertiveness skills. This might sound like, “It’s not going to work for me to take that on right now,” or “I need some time to recharge this evening.” You don’t need to over-explain or even apologize. You are simply expressing what you are choosing in order to uphold your boundary. 

And know, communicating your boundaries can sometimes bring up anxiety or guilt, especially if you’re not used to it. Tolerating this discomfort in the short term helps you keep healthy boundaries that benefit your long-term well-being. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. 

It is important to know that feeling anxious does not mean something is wrong with you. Anxiety actually has a helpful job. It keeps us alert and ready for life’s challenges. The real problem is not the anxiety itself. The problem is when we get stuck in it and start looping bad thoughts that are not even true. Since anxiety has a purpose, our goal is not to get rid of it completely. Instead, the goal is to keep moving forward even when we feel uncomfortable. 

Staying away from people actually makes anxiety stronger over time. It makes social situations feel even scarier. Instead of running away from the things that scare us, we should slowly face them in small, easy steps. This could mean making eye contact, saying hello to a classmate, or staying at a party for just a few minutes. Every single step counts, no matter how small. Each step helps you build up your confidence over time. 

It can also help to change how you think about hanging out with others. When you are nervous, it is easy to focus only on yourself. You might constantly worry about how you look or what you are saying. Try to gently shift your focus to the other person or the room around you. This takes away some of the pressure. Being curious is a great way to start. Asking questions and listening closely helps conversations flow naturally and takes the spotlight off of you. 

Being kind to yourself is another huge piece of the puzzle. Social anxiety usually comes with a critical inner voice that replays your conversations and points out every mistake. Instead of judging yourself, try talking to yourself like you would talk to a good friend. Remind yourself that it is okay to be nervous. Tell yourself that you are doing something tough, and that trying hard matters much more than being perfect. 

Finally, remember to celebrate your progress instead of just looking at the final result. Success does not mean you felt totally calm or acted perfectly. Success might just mean that you showed up, stayed a little longer than you planned, or tried again after a hard day. Over time, these small wins build up your strength and confidence. 

One of the first steps is to let yourself feel your emotions. Usually, you will feel more than one thing at a time. You might feel sad but also relieved. You might feel love and anger at once. When we tell ourselves we “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, we typically just make ourselves feel worse. Instead, just notice what is there. Is it fear? Sadness? Naming your feelings can actually help them feel less intense. Your feelings are important, but they don’t have to make your choices for you. 

It also helps to look closely at the thoughts in your thoughts. When we have big feelings, we often tell ourselves “stories” that aren’t quite true, like “I’ll always be alone” or “It’s all my fault.” These thoughts feel true in the moment, but you should try to question them. Ask yourself: “Is there proof this is true?” or “Is there a kinder way to look at this?” You don’t have to force yourself to be happy, but you should try to find the truth behind your thoughts. 

Once you understand your feelings and thoughts, think about your “values” the things that are most important to you. When things are hard, we often react without thinking. Knowing your values helps you decide how to act, even when you are upset. Ask yourself: “What kind of person do I want to be?” and “What is okay for me to put up with?” Acting on your values helps you feel more confident. When a relationship changes, your daily routine changes, too. Using your values to reconnect with friends or hobbies can help you feel steady again. 

Dealing with relationship changes is not linear. Many times, it zigs zags back and forth. Some days you will feel great, and other days you might feel sad again. That is a natural part of healing. Consider enrolling in Learn to Live’s Resilience program to learn more tools that can help navigate any relationship.  

This feeling of “emotional drowning” is often hard for others to see. This is because what we show on the outside doesn’t match what is happening on the inside. You might still go to school or work, take care of your family, answer texts, and even laugh at the right times. But inside, you might feel overwhelmed, lonely, or numb. You might feel tired all the time, grumpy, or restless. 

When no one knows how much you’re struggling, you can start to believe that no one could ever understand. You might go through your day hoping someone will notice and ask if you’re okay. But then, when someone finally asks, you fall right back into “autopilot” and say, “I’m fine.” 

Often, this happens for a few reasons:   

• We don’t take the time to stop and think about how we really feel. 

• We worry that our problems will be a “burden” (too much work) for others. 

• We believe that everyone expects us to just keep going. 

• We don’t know what else to do besides “pushing through” the pain. 

So how do you stay afloat and reach out for help? Start with yourself. An important first step is being honest with yourself. Before you tell the truth to others, you have to admit it to yourself. That might mean stopping for a second when someone asks how you are, or thinking about it later if you realize you lied and said you were “fine.” 

Open up slowly. You don’t have to go from saying “I’m fine” to telling your whole life story. Start small. Try saying things like, “I’ve been having a hard week,” or “I’m more stressed than I look,” or “I don’t really know how I’m doing, but things feel heavy right now.” 

Choose the right people. Not everyone needs to know your deepest feelings. Sometimes it makes sense to tell a stranger you’re fine and move on. But find people you trust to talk to so you don’t have to deal with this alone. Look for someone who listens without trying to “fix” you or judging you. 

You don’t have to keep saying you’re fine while you are drowning. You can choose to do things differently. Pause before you answer a question. Tell the truth, even if it’s just to yourself for now. When you’re ready, reach out to someone who can sit with you while things are tough. These small acts of honesty can slowly bring you back to the surface. 

Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a condition that affects how the brain develops. It can change how a person communicates, interacts with others, and experiences the world around them. One of the most important things to understand is that autism is a spectrum. This means that every person with autism has a unique mix of strengths and challenges. Some people may speak with their voices, while others use tablets or signs to communicate. Some might be amazing at music, art, or solving complex problems, while also finding loud noises or social situations difficult. There is no single way that autism looks, and every person has their own unique story. 

Autism Awareness Month was created because many people still have misunderstandings about autism. Some individuals go many years without knowing they have it. Others may struggle in places like schools or stores that are too loud or don’t support their way of communicating. While awareness sounds simple, it can make a huge difference. It helps clear up myths, like the idea that all autistic people act the same way. When communities learn the truth, schools and workplaces become more supportive and welcoming for everyone. 

Awareness is a great start, but acceptance and action are just as important. This month encourages everyone to listen to autistic voices and use respectful language. It is a time to speak up for things like quiet spaces or flexible ways of talking to one another. It is also a reminder to celebrate the creative ideas and perspectives that individuals with autism bring to our world. 

By recognizing Autism Awareness Month, we show that every person deserves to be seen, supported, and valued. When we accept the many ways that people are different, our communities become kinder and more connected. 

Our thoughts play a huge role in keeping us awake, whether they are general worries or just frustration about not being able to fall asleep. These thoughts might sound like, “I’m never going to fall asleep,” or “Tomorrow is going to be a disaster.” Most of us are never taught to slow down and ask if our thoughts are actually true, so we just believe them. When we believe them completely, they feel urgent, like we must take action or find an answer right now. That sense of urgency keeps our minds busy and makes it very hard for our bodies to truly relax. 

We cannot just “turn off” our minds like a light switch, but once we see that thoughts are causing our sleeplessness, we can start to handle them differently. One way is to challenge the thought. Ask yourself if you know for sure that the worry is true. You can then try to replace an old thought, like “I’ll be useless tomorrow,” with a more balanced one, such as “I’ve managed to get through the day before even when I didn’t sleep perfectly.” 

Another strategy is to practice mindfulness. This means letting your thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. You observe them without getting stuck in them. You might quietly tell yourself, “That’s just my worried mind talking,” and then focus on your breathing or what you can hear and feel around you. A third option is to write your thoughts down and schedule a “Worry Time” for the next day. This gets the ideas out of your head and onto paper with a plan to fix them tomorrow. The physical act of writing helps many people let go of the stress long enough to calm their minds. 

Instead of treating every thought as an emergency, try using one of these strategies. You can even try all of them to see which one works best for you. Over time and with practice, you can break the cycle of worry and give yourself a much better chance at a restful night. And if you want to learn more, our Insomnia program is a great place to start.  

This transition is a normal part of life, but it isn’t always easy. One of the best ways to handle these changes is by practicing healthy boundaries. 

The “Personal Bubble” Concept 

To understand boundaries, imagine that everyone has a personal “bubble” around them. Inside your bubble are your own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and actions. Every time you interact with someone, your bubbles come together. 

• Too Much Space: If the bubbles are too far apart, the relationship can feel cold or lonely. You might feel like you don’t really know what is going on in each other’s lives. 

• Overlapping Bubbles: If the bubbles overlap, one person usually ends up trying to “fix” or “rescue” the other. This can make the adult child feel smothered and the parent feel exhausted from solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve. 

• The Healthy Balance: The goal is to be close without overlapping. This means being supportive and warm while remembering that each person is responsible for their own “bubble.” 

Three Steps to a Better Relationship 

When you keep your bubbles close but separate, you create a stronger bond. You can: 

1. Acceptance: Acknowledge that your adult child is responsible for their own thoughts and choices. 

2. Set Limits: Give yourself permission to say “no” or step back to protect your own peace of mind. 

3. Collaborate: Have honest, respectful conversations where you work together as equals. 

Think of a boundary as a respectful bridge rather than a wall. It provides the space needed for a meaningful connection as your relationship moves into this new stage of life. Setting and maintaining health boundaries won’t eliminate every twist and turn of the emotional rollercoaster, but it can help smooth the ride. 

At its core, CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected. The way we think about ourselves, and our situations directly influences how we feel and act. Sometimes we struggle to reach goals, not because we lack motivation or ability, but because of unhelpful thought patterns getting in the way. CBT helps us identify and change these patterns so we can move toward our goals with clarity and confidence. 

For example, imagine someone who wants to start exercising regularly but keeps putting it off. A CBT-based approach might begin by exploring the thoughts that fuel procrastination, such as “I’ll never stick with it anyway” or “I’m too tired to start today.” Can you imagine how these kinds of thoughts can lower motivation, make us feel discouraged, or lead to procrastination? By challenging and replacing them with more balanced thoughts – like “ It’s possible I won’t be perfect at sticking with it, but any effort I make still counts as progress.” or “Maybe I don’t have the energy for everything today, but I can do one small step.” – we can start to shift our mindset. Over time, practicing these new ways of thinking can lift mood, increase motivation, and help turn small, consistent steps into lasting change. 

While the cognitive side of CBT is what often comes to mind for those of us considering using it, the behavioral side is equally important. Behavioral tools can also play a key role in helping us follow through. For example, behavioral activation involves getting active and putting ourselves in more rewarding situations. The idea is that often, feeling better follows the action – once we start moving, we feel energized and encouraged to continue. This can be especially helpful in reaching our goals when initial motivation fades or setbacks occur. Returning to the exercise example: instead of waiting to “feel like” it, we might plan to put on workout clothes right after waking up or schedule a 10-minute walk during lunch. By committing to these actions, we create opportunities to take steps toward our goals rather than waiting for motivation to strike first.  

Ultimately, CBT empowers us and helps us build more self-awareness, discipline, and confidence, which are essential ingredients for achieving any meaningful goal. By learning to manage our thoughts and behaviors intentionally, we are not just changing habits; we also can start to reach goals that once felt out of reach. 

We do not need to simply accept the end of year as a stressful season. Let’s talk about a few impactful strategies that can ease some of the challenges. And make this time of year more manageable.  

Catching our Automatic Negative Thinking Traps (ANTs). We all have patterns of thinking that can sometimes make challenges feel bigger than they are. These thinking patterns – called ANTs – are common and can happen to any of us. And they can add unnecessary stress to an already busy time of year. One common ANT during this season is Should Statements – thinking in terms of what must be or must be done. You may be thinking things like “I should have everything perfect” or “I should be able to handle this all easily.” Try to pay closer attention to your thoughts. Next time a Should Statement shows up – ask yourself, “says who?”.  

Breaking down your time and to-dos. When everything feels urgent and overwhelming, it can help to break it down. Write down everything you have to get done. If you have a bigger task, break it down into smaller tasks that will take no longer than 30 minutes. Once you have your list written out, prioritize it. Consider urgency. This is how time sensitive each task is. You will also want to consider importance. This is how important a task is in the long-term. Then choose three high priority tasks to focus on for the day. You can always add more after completing your first three.  

Practicing Present Awareness. When the end of the year leaves you feeling a mix of emotions, it can be easy to lose sight of what is most important. Practicing mindfulness during this busy season can help you slow down and actually enjoy the moments that matter most. If stress or anxiety starts to feel overwhelming, you can practice bringing your attention to the present moment. You can do this by noticing: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.   

The goal here isn’t to eliminate all stress. Some stress around meaningful events is normal and even helpful. But the next time you find your mind spinning and anxiety spiking, consider using these tools to help you manage end-of-year stress in a way that allows you to live a full and meaningful life.